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We do….

On January 2,  Jamar and I eloped in Maui, Hawaii in the early morning hours, where the sun was bright and the day was just beginning. It was a simple wedding that was rich in meaning. The presence of our loved ones was felt in the breeze of the ocean and the sound of the conch shell.

We look forward to building our love on the covenant of marriage and putting in the work that is involved in this commitment.

A traditional Hawaiian wedding begins with the exchange of leis.

This is done for several reasons. One is that the lei is an unbroken circle.  Like rings that are blessed and exchanged, they represent the eternal commitment of your hearts together.

Also, as each flower is brought into the circle, it loses none of its individual beauty, reminding us that in the unity of love, you have lost none of your unique individuality.   In fact, the loving care and  nurturing security of your relationship helps you grow even more fully into that special person with whom your partner fell in love.

In Honor of this very special moment, there is pause to give thanks for all the rich and wonderful experiences that have brought us to this high point in our lives.   There is gratitude for all the Kupuna and Ohana, meaning your Elders, Mentors, and Family who helped shape who we are today.

There is equal gratitude for all the Love and Aloha that we have been blessed with along life’s way, “May it continue to foster in you the vision of a great Love and provide you with the resources to create a home that shall endure in peace and harmony.”

Beside me and apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in sickness and in health, in conflict and serenity, asking that you always be true to our love. Loving what I know of you and trusting what I do not know.  In all the ways our life may bring.

.    



Shared on 2018-01-10 00:51:59.

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Shhh….Grief

I haven’t written on my blog in a long time. Work, my doctorate, but most importantly love has consumed the last eight months of my life.

I recently found out I was pregnant. Close friends know that this is joyous news for me, as I was told I had “unexplained infertility” and I had accepted the fact that I may never be a mother. One could imagine after that process, the feeling of pregnancy over-joyed me…in fact, I probably shared it with too many people, too early, because I was already falling in love with this baby and it just slipped out and a smile always accompanied the deliverance of the news. Similar to wanting to share when you first meet someone.

This last weekend, I went to Arizona to see the man of my dreams and father to my baby. On Saturday, I decided to go to the outlet mall while he was coaching baseball. During my shopping experience I casually got in line for the bathroom. When it was my turn to go I realized I was bleeding. I said out loud, “oh no God.” After leaving the restroom I sat quietly on a chair in the main area of the outdoor mall. Activity slowly floated all around me. Children laughing, families chatting, people walking. I then ordered an Uber. A nice man from India showed up. About half-way through a quiet ride I asked him to take me to the hospital instead of my hotel. He took me to the ER. He dropped me off…but then about twenty minutes later I saw him at the receptionist counter asking if I was going to be well taken care of. An angel.

During that ER visit I found out our baby’s heart had stopped beating. I had lost my baby.

I didn’t believe them. The grieving began. Jamar rushed to the hospital from his game. They did another ultrasound with Jamar there. I couldn’t look but he did. I looked at Jamar’s face while he looked at the monitor, and his eyes got bigger and I felt sadness through them.

The baby stayed inside me, while the soul floated to heaven, and I had a surgery to get it properly removed three days later after we traveled home.

The doctor who did the surgery, Dr. Ward, showed me compassion with a very deep level of knowledge. Right before the surgery I thanked the doctors for their education. When I was a school teacher, a Hmong mother thanked me for my education and that has always stuck with me. I am grateful for how hard they worked to make sure I was okay.

I chose to share my story because I have been searching for healing stories on the internet–I have read countless blogs. Women deal with this in private and many of them. That is the social norm and almost expected. Beyonce shared her story, she is brave and I admire her for that. I reflected on that and thought that maybe my story could heal another heart,

…or by writing it out I could give more life to my baby’s short time.

There are many people who have really helped me on this journey. From an Uber driver, to my staff who have taken over everything for my job for a week, my parents and family, our pastor who has quickly replied to our emails, and mostly the father of this baby–who has a loss too.

Our baby has gone to heaven. He has joined Jamar’s dad and many others. Now we will begin heart healing. I hope to be a mom in the future but I don’t want to minimize this life. We gained an angel…. and grief is an emotion that needs to be shared to heal. Grief is everywhere and my heart has become softer and more compassionate to women and men who have gone through loss of a child, for that I am grateful.



Shared on 2017-10-10 21:25:34.